Thursday, March 10, 2011

School is for Fools?

I've reached a point of being so burnt out with school that I literally have to bribe myself to do required work. I tell myself that I can watch a movie or read something I actually want to if I can just finish those next 7 bullet points on my study guide. Otherwise I am the most convincing person when it comes to talking myself into/out of things...and my school work literally won't get done. I redefine procrastination by using due dates and times to their full capacity (sometimes even opting to surpass them and "test the waters" of whatever course I'm taking and the professor who teaches it's limitations). For the most part I have managed to skate through college relatively unscathed (a fact I attribute solely to my diligent [retired-teacher] mother's hustle with me and school), but it doesn't always work in my favor...and right now, this semester, it's catching up with me.

Depending on where you are right now, you may or may not notice that I am typing this entry at 3:56 A.M. (EST)...and the reason I mention it at all is because, contrary to popular belief, I don't really like to stay up super late like most college kids. Don't get me wrong, I love to stay up late as fuck...IF I know I can sleep in the next day and all will be well. Other than that, I hate staying up late (especially if I'm doing work). Sleep and I get along really well. In fact, when we don't see each other for periods of time, the universe throws both of our schedules out of whack until things can settle back into some semblance of rhythmic order. Tonight, however, sleep and I will not be having our daily rendezvous...instead I am having an affair with my school work. Oh yeah, you heard right, and it's just as exciting as it sounds!

What it boils down to is this: I'm fucked. I put off studying for my first exam in my "Medieval Art and Architecture" course (which is tomorrow...er, I mean, later today); a course which, let me just say, is a split-level class...meaning it's offered at both a 300-level and a 500-level (for the graduate students) and also meaning that those of us in there at the 300-level made a huge mistake signing up for it. Of course it's catered to the grad students, with an expansive workload featuring in-depth studies of every basilica and relief you ain't never heard of...Hell, if I were them I know I'd want it to be that way...but what about the rest of us? Oh, who am I kidding...I'm just whining because I put off all the required reading and studying until literally last night and now I'm having to cram hopelessly until the sun comes up.

What am I getting at, you ask? Well, I don't know. Maybe the fact that, deep down, I fucking love school. I love learning, I love reading, I love studying...love love love. But there is some soul-sucking element lying in the walls of my university that has almost drained me of all life...an element that I've spent the last 4 semesters trying to discover. I'm constantly frustrated because I know that when I graduate...IF I graduate...my GPA will only reflect the product of my unhappiness instead of any semblance of aptitude, intelligence or perseverance. I'm frustrated because I can't enjoy this time of my life that is supposed to be the "end all, be all" apparently (and let me just say, if that's true, well...WOW...the future is looking bleak ya'll). And I'm frustrated because I just don't want to be in school.

It's moments like these that I wish quitting college was easy and practical...but alas, it doesn't seem to be. All I gotta say is, if a bachelor's degree is the "new" high school diploma, where is the GED equivalent of a bachelor's degree? Cause the second they create one...sign me the fuck up.



And yes, I'm posting a Beach Boys video to end this post. Listen to the dulcet tones of Carl Wilson and get sucked into his porkchop sideburns...Lord knows I am!

1 comment:

  1. Agreed on the GED equivalent. I hate school.

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